Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
Lately it seems like a lot of people have been asking us what we are going to do next. Our usual answer is that we will stay here until God tells us to move, and we firmly believe this. It has been three years since God first called us to come to the Philippines and we continue to trust him with our future.
Still, I have to admit that I don’t always get things right. And maybe my spiritual walk has suffered a little since we moved here. I lost a lot of my accountability and encouragement I had when we moved here. I fail miserably in spending time with God each day and I have become much less confident in trusting that small, quiet voice I had come to know as the leading of the Holy Spirit.
But there is something redeeming about the beginning of a new year and as 2008 approached I began to hope again that things could turn around. The chance to start again. So I asked God on New Year’s Eve if there was a verse that he had for me for 2008 and that quiet little voice spoke to me of Zechariah 4 as I was driving down Ortigas dodging Jeepneys, cars, motorcycles and pedestrians.
“Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,” says the LORD of hosts.
For who has despised the day of small things?”
So Daniel and I thought it was time to stop and do some fasting to help get our spiritual walk back on track and to seek the Lord as to what he has planned for us next. Our two year visas do expire in June so some decisions need to be made in the next month or so rather we plan on staying here or not.
Our options are:
- Stay (that one is easy enough)
- Go home (not sure where that is anymore)
- Pursue a more permanent position within the Nazarene Church (we currently are Mission Corps “volunteers”.)
- Buy a small boat and try to sail around the world, sharing the gospel as we go. (haha, fooled ya!)
As we fasted, we did not really seem to get any clear direction for our future, but we did start spending a lot more time with God and that is the most important thing anyway!
Then over the past weeks we we continue to be before God it seems like He has given us some direction as well.
It is tempting to seek a more permanent position and the security of a salary, real insurance, and a retirement plan rather than trusting that God will lead the right people at the right time to provide what we need. But as we pursued this option, it was made pretty clear that this is not what we are supposed to do. Logistically, there is just not the resources for us to do what we are doing on the Asia-Pacific Region as career missionaries.
So that leaves us with the question, “Should I stay or should I go now…”?
Daniel and I are a part of the changing tide of Nazarene missions. There is a lot that needs to be done around the world. The need is far greater than their ability to support paid mission staff. Volunteer missionaries are the ones to fill those needs. And really we are not unique, I have not met any missionaries outside the Nazarene church who receive a salary. All of them must raise their own support. So I must remember that my faith is in God, NOT people, and that he will continue to provide for us as long as he wants us here.
So does he still want us here? The answer is definately YES. As I shared my own call to missions with a short term team visiting here for two weeks, I realized that God always leads us to the next step in HIS time and most of my frustration in life comes from wanting to move before God tells me it is time. And all my joy in life comes when I patiently wait on him and seek Him in each moment, day, and week. I can’t look too far ahead because I start to lose sight of what is NOW. And right now God is not telling us to move, so why am I seeking it? Maybe I’m afraid I will miss something. But if I evaluate what God has done in the past, he has always been pretty clear in letting us know what he wants us to do. As Daniel and I have talked about this the last couple of days, it seems God has led him to the same conclusion.
That does not mean I don’t still have a few things to figure out while we are here, but I will trust that as I grow in my daily discipline of seeking God, he will lead the way.
“For who has despised the day of small things?”
“Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,” says the LORD of hosts.
P.S. If you are still reading this, thanks for hanging in there with me until the end. Sorry I write such long entries 
I understand what you’re feeling. Especially the part of not knowing where your “home” is now. Living outside this crazy nation of America really opens your eyes to how isolated we’ve made ourselves. Keep the faith. Our whole lives are made up of decisions where we pray we’re doing God’s will.
February 8th, 2008 at 12:30 amIf I can clear my eyes to see clearly enough, I want to encourage you two special people. Becki and I have always thought that you were special and this just confirms that all the more. Your post is not too long -it is just right – because it shows that you are listening to and right in tune with the Spirit’s song in your lives.
As you know, we love the Filipino and Asian people and are very happy that you are contiuing to stay on and minister there. We feel as proud of you as parents would and rejoice in your decision(s).
May your current seeking of Him never end in this tenuous, wonderful journey called ‘following Him’. May your territory be enlarged and may jehovah Jireh continue to provide your every need and desire as you faithfully serve Him and work in His harvest fields.
We love you,
Ray & Becki
February 8th, 2008 at 3:37 amThanks, Melissa, for your note. It was uplifting and extremely well communicated. Isaac thinks we have met, but I am almost sure we have not. So, if I have met you, I am sorry to have not remembered, if not, I am looking forward to it!
Please add to your emails. Pam Pape
February 9th, 2008 at 9:44 pmI know exactly what you are feeling, having served as a Volunteer missionary for 6 years and now as an assigned missionary. The question of whether to return to the home country or stay in a new culture never really goes away. Each time I need to renew my contract, I ask, “Should I sign or go home?” Each time a crisis happens to my family in the US, I ask “Should I go home or stay here?” Each time something wonderful is celebrated in my family, I remember what I am missing and ask, “Should I go home or stay here?” God always lets me know the next step just in time. Keep trusting. Keep praying. JIT–just in time the answer will be there. TitaGen
February 10th, 2008 at 1:07 amThanks for your honesty. It helps us all to know we are not the only ones. Also, boy am I/we glad for your decision. We love serving with you. We walked a similar journey. Mari’s Down Syndrome and insurance was our final answer. The Mission Corps insurance would not even cover major items for her. We had to give up missions or move onto the Nazarene Global Missionary track. That was the only insurance option that worked. Keep fighting for that daily time with God and praying for others in the same fight. Including all those supporting all of us, allowing us to be on the field in whatever fashion God’s deems as right for us. eric
February 10th, 2008 at 10:58 pmMelissa,
I always enjoy reading what is going on with you guys. We’ve been in Brazil for 4 years now and I feel a lot of the same things you describe. We’re some of those non-Nazarene missionaries that have to raise their own support, and we’ve found it to be a huge challenge and blessing. It is so encouraging to us that every time we really have a financial need, God places that on someone’s heart and we are provided for in ways we could not have planned or imagined. It is such a confirmation that we are doing what he has in mind for us. It is also really cool to think about all the people who have become interested in what’s going on here and who pray for us because of our fundraising travels! I’m happy for you that you feel God’s confirmation that you’re where he wants you to be.
On a side note, my e-mail address has changed. Please update it so that I can keep getting your e-mails.
February 19th, 2008 at 9:41 amHow are you ate Melissa. I am praying for you and your family.
February 23rd, 2008 at 8:59 pmhello melissa,
February 25th, 2008 at 11:45 amwe have not yet met, but i expect that we will soon. my wife and i, and our 3 youngest children are halfway through our 3rd year hear in northern thailand. as “volunteer” missionaries, i can totally relate to your article, and i appreciate the time you took to express it in words. praying for you and you family today.
phil